In what was then a shock to the country, Muller stood down as National leader in mid-July, releasing a statement early in the morning saying the role had taken 'a heavy toll' and it had become 'untenable from a health perspective'. For me it had become a daily wrestle of my mind and it took an astounding amount of mental energy to get through each day.' 'Everything I was now trying to do but failing. He says previously when he had heard other people's experiences with panic attacks, he thought they just 'had to try harder or get a grip or focus on something else more positive'. However, Muller says the 'attacks still came', including in the day. At least this would get me through to maybe 5 hours sleep a night, maybe enough to function.' I could tell it was impacting my performance so I was prescribed sleeping pills and anti-anxiety medication if needed to get through the weekdays in parliament. 'Nothing could stop the waves of anxiety and dread that would start the moment I woke up.

He says over the next week his sleep became disrupted, waking up after three hours and not being able to fall back into a slumber whatever he tried.

I awoke the next morning tired, but excited for the day that lies ahead.'īut the anxiety returned the next weekend with 'even more ferocity' that included night sweats and nausea. 'As Michelle did many times over the subsequent 50 days, she comforted me, soothed these feelings of wretchedness with unconditional love and positivity. But he broke down in his wife Michelle's arms, He attempted to 'stem these sensations of dread' by taking deep breaths and finding something to focus on. I had never experienced these sensations before, despite having lived through some very high pressured moments at Fonterra dealing with global food safety scares.' 'It started with an intense prickling sensation in my head, followed by what I would describe as 'waves' of anxiety.

The criticism he is likely referencing is about the lack of diversity on his newly chosen frontbench and questions from the media about a MAGA hat he owned. I was looking forward to seeing my wife and kids before a day out in my electorate,' he writes. 'Sure, it had been a rough couple of days of media criticism, but I was heading home and had finished a couple of great conversations with mentors and supporters. On the evening of May 27, nearly a week after the leadership battle, Muller says he was being driven from Auckland to Tauranga when he had his first panic attack.

Slumber party panic reaction